Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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