i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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