I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
