God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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