walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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