pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
