No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
