i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i dont even know how to be here
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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