I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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