I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize