I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
