I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
