3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
