I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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