i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
