She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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