Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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