I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
