I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
