My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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