Don't you send me to vm
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
