I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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