i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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