Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
