I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
