i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
