My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
