Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
