Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
