is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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