my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize