Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
