So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
