Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
