So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
