tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
