who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
