i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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