don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
