I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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