the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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