why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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