apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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