Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize