My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize