I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
