At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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