i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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