I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
