I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
