I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
