People in love make me want to vomit
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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