Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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