there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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