A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
