We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
