Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the day after is always just damage control
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
