According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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