omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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