I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
