the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
