I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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