so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
