Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
