I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
