he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
