he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
