i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize