the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
