woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
