I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
